Get Me Free Stuff An exploration into blogging as a means to receiving free things.

I recently applied for a job that was listed on craigslist. Always a risky proposition.

I’m sharing with you the response I got from “Bary Jeffery” of “Queeunsland” in “the Australia”. I could “quote” his email forever, but instead I’ll let you read it. Below that is my response to him.

Can anyone tell me what country the phone number he gave me is from? Best I can tell it’s germany or something.

Enjoy,

Ed

Hello,

Thanks for your interest in the position. I will deeply appreciate all
genuine efforts to help me monitor and keep up to date with all my
activities. I have had a previous Personal Assistant (Book
Keeping/Accountant) who has been very commendable in her activities
and who has been part of my life for the past 6 months; she has since
returned to her country. I sincerely hope I will be able to find
someone again who will be as efficient as she was.

I am Bary Jeffery originally from Qeeunsland
Australia,I am a very busy man due to my good atiitude i get alot of work at Hand.I am
An auditor by profession and I have been pretty successful in a handful
of ventures I got involved in, from the Angel Investment Network in
Canada and United States to various welfare and community service
programs, I most very often get my hands occupied, so it is imperative
for me to have a worthy assistant who can monitor and keep me up to
date with my activities.

As my assistant, your activities amongst other things will include:
*Scheduling programmes, flights and keeping me up to date with them.
*Acting as an alternative telephone correspondence when I'm away.
*Making regular contacts and drop-offs on my behalf.
*Handling and monitoring some of my financial activities.
Basic wage is $500 a weekly.

I am currently in the Australia now for a summit and would be back to
the States in about 3 weeks, however, I do have a number of things you
could help me with next week if you will be available for me. This can
serve as a stable foundation to our working relationship.

Please note that this position is not office based for now because of
my frequent travels and tight schedules. It is a part-time, work from
home basis and the flexibility means that there will be busier weeks
than others, and it is a little difficult judging the exact number of
hours you will be doing per week. If you can manage your time
properly, this job may even give you some extra while you do something
else on the side.

As I have said, I would want us to get a head start with things as
soon as possible. I do have a pile up of work and a number of
unattended chores which you can immediately assist me with, I hope we
can meet up with the workload eventually.

Permit me to use the coming week to test your efficiency and diligence
towards all these, also to work out your time schedule and fit it to
mine. I really need to find the perfect person for this job; I am
confident you can take up the challenge and on the long run we should
have a relatively sound working relationship between us. I am glad you
are willing to work with me and I promise to be a good boss. I am also
glad on the commitment in working. I have been checking my files and
what I would want you to do for me next week is to run some errands
out to some orphanage homes, I do that every month. The funds will be
in form of cashiers check or money order and it will be sent over to
you from one of my clients and I have some list to email you once you
receive the funds.

I will get you more information on that. I will like you to get back
to me with the following details:

Full Name:
Full Contact Address:
City:
State:
Zip code:
Cell Phone Number:
Age:
Email:
Did you accept my offer ?
All i need from you is total honesty and sincerity. I know you will be committed to the work, You will also have a nice period of working with me in total peace and faithfulness
I will be waiting to hear from you.Once I receive your contact information I will get back to you with
the task for this week; understand you will also be paid as well as it
is important for me to make the necessary steps before I get to the
States. I hope I am clear with that. Get back as soon as possible.You can as well reach me on my cell Phone number......+4917627716006


Regards,
Bary Jeffery

Hello Bary,

I am very flattered that you have chosed me to work for you. It sounds like you are very successful and hard working person, as I am as well, too.

I am also very interested in starting out this workings as soon as possible. I think the best way is to meet in person so that you may see me and how I am a very good and trust worthy person and so you may trust me with your work and your life also, too.

3 weeks is the perfect of time before you come back to United States from the Australia, since I am working at my current job and must give them notice that I am leaving them to work for a man from Queeunsland.

Please contact me when you return to this country and we may meet and see that we will work well together.

I look forward to meeting you and shaking your hand. You are a person I most admire.

Best and fondest regards,

Ed Illades

Hi Ed, Thanks you so much for the extensive message,Kindly send me all the informations needed for the cheque to be issued over to,I sincerely believe you such a responsible man that is suitable for the Job and position.Because the work start as soon as you forward the necessary Informations, Full Name: Full Contact Address: City: State: Zip code: Cell Phone Number: Age: Email:

Looking Out to read back from you soonest Bary

Hello Bary,

As I said before, unfortunately, due to my, other job, that I am currently, in. I will not be able to work right away. Instead I will hope to meet you first when you come in back in the Country of Unitied States.

Please meet me then and we may exchange pleasantries and informations for working. If you like to send me check, or cheque, I will give you my Post Office Box address and when you send it, I will deliver it to orphanage home as a favour to you. I will not charge you for this service, as I am a good man and human being. Please do not hesitate to send me cheques and I will not hesitate to deliver to the orphans because I know that they need moneys and maybe it is even urgent.

This is from me a favor to you and not for money. But for money and working relationship to begin my other job must come to an end and then it will be time for you and me to meet in person and discuss details.

Thank you for being a kind and understanding gentleman and a father figure.

Best of greetings and future promise of tidings,

Ed Illades

I don’t know much about who this man is, but I somehow found myself following him on Twitter. His posts (sorry, “tweets”) are the most consistently funny of any I’ve read. Here are a few examples:

“If I had to choose between science and god I would choose science because god didn’t answer my prayers about my syphilis”

“The guy next to me said “the DMV is like prison” I agreed and then raped him. “

“I do not know why my inspirational phrase, “When life gives you a yeast infection make bread” is not catching on. “

“I have a case of the Mondays and have to call all the people I have slept with and tell them. “

I’m determined to learn how to shoot and edit a video by doing one.

If you have a video camera and editing software and can let me borrow it, or have time to teach me a few things, please let me know

edillades@gmail.com

I’m sure only 3 people read this but if you are out there (especially if you live in NY).

Also, if you can recommend any texts, guides, pointers, that might help me with fundamentals, please let me know.

Thanks,

Ed

What the…? Let’s call this idea # 4,0023.01 that I’ve started and then abandoned. This one ended quick. One entry. Anywayzies, switching gears. Just posting random things for now. I can still accept free stuff, if you’d like to send it.

I just want to get myself into some sort of routine of writing things and posting them. No promises. No pressure. Just going to try to post stuff.

Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby

This is the book which inspired the blog.  It was not the book’s story that inspired me.  No, dear “reader,” for I have not read the book.  What inspired this blog is the story behind how i got the book.  Listen:

A friend and former co-worker came into my work recently (I make coffee for a “living”).  After the initial “so how long have you been in New York” and “how have you been doing” and “have you had bed bugs yet” banter, it came up that she works for a publishing company.  She traded me an advance copy of Nick Hornby’s new (not yet released at the time) novel for a cup of coffee.  “People will try to buy it from you on the train” she said, referring to Hornby’s legions of rabid fans who cannot possibly wait until the official release date, so hungry are they for a new taste of their favorite writer. Then she asked “Do you have a blog?”

“Why no,” I replied. “I don’t.”

“Well, if you have a blog I could send you free books.”

Those words set my heart on fire.

“Really?” was the only response I could muster.

“Yeah.” was the only response which makes sense from her end.

I thanked her for the book, more excited about the possibilities than I was about the novel in question.  I’ve never read anything by Nick Hornby and hadn’t planned to, but now I was all excited, though I resented the pressure I felt to read this before the release date, since after all she had presented me with an opportunity that thousands of Nick Hornby fans would kill for, apparently.  I did intend to read the book in my own time.  And I still do.

But as much as I like to read (and I do) I am a slow reader and I’m in the middle of White Teeth, by Zadie Smith, which is a very, very good book.  It reads like what you think of when you think “classical novel”.  Focused on several families, several cultures, several time periods of the late 20th Century, it navigates these various elments with grace, meaning that it never tries to make you aware of all the elements it’s juggling, but instead lets the story lead you, and the story is compelling indeed.  Zadie Smith also does something remarkable in that she begins with very quirky, almost cartoonish characters and then little by little digs deeper into them until they are fully realized, fleshed-out human characters who live, breathe, hurt, bleed and worry, whose lives follow paths dictated by the messy logic of human existence.   Because of this, the novel can move from moments of melodrama to slapstick, from moments of anxiety to moments of levity.  These are all recognizable circumstances of human life, and by grounding itself in life, and being true to its subjects, White Teeth can freely move through these different conditions without seeming jarring or flippant.  And I’m only half way through.

So you can see why I wasn’t about to put this book down just because I have an advance copy of Nick Hornby’s new book, however in demand it might be, and however generous my friend might have been in giving it to me.  It was very generous.  But I’m deep into this other book, people.  And as I said before, I’m a very slow reader.  And I have other books I had hoped to read right after White Teeth: I’m looking forward to reading The Getaway, by Jim Thompson (a novel by one of my favorite writers, which was made into one of my favorite movies, and I have never read the book), Low Life, by Luc Sante, which I have meant to read for a long while now.  I’m also dying to re-read anothor favorite, The Violent Bear It Away, by Flannery O’Connor.  And then when an issue of Harper’s comes in the mail, everything else takes a back seat for a few days.

But the prospect of receiving free books is too sweet to pass up.  And my hope is that this blog will be about more than books.  It will be about anything I want to get free samples of.  Music, coffee, movies.  Cash.  Do you want me to review your cash?  Please send me some.  Want me to critique your salary? Send me a piece.  Anything.  As long as it’s not bulky.  I live in a small New York apartment, so nothing bulky.  Unless it’s a large television.  I am happy to receive one of those.

Email me for my mailing address.

…if readers indeed you be (and I am not entirely certain that “readers” is the correct term for consumers of blogs, but let’s allow “readers” to stand instead of trying to coin yet another in a long list of catchy terms (“metrosexual” being one of the worst), brought to us by the 21st century).

In any case, welcome.

I will be bringing you reviews of books, music, and whatever else might cross my path, in the hopes that publishers, music labels and other companies might send me their wares for free.  I don’t know, dear “reader”, whether this will work but I will push forth regardless, as it is in the attempt itself where one achieves honor.  Is honor too strong a word?  It is not.  It is honor that I am after.  Honor and swag.

I will also be including a personal message or an update or a show plug here and there, because I refuse to create multiple blogs.  I am lazy, dear “reader”.  Lazy and disorganized.  So this will be reflected in my blog.  A lazy and disorganized blog this shall, and should, be.  Let it be thus.

—-

If you have anything you would like for me to review, please send me a copy of it.

Email me for my mailing address.